words from REACHING-
i’ve kind of risen from the deep i was buried in before but only hovering
ellie says i’m not like them because i don’t have fun by getting drunk and partying
and i tell her i do get drunk because i do but that’s not why i tell her
i don’t like trying its hard its uncomfortable
so it feels like everyone’s grown up now
i’m still trying to make up for disco days
when i was drifting and they were first kissing
even though i was the one that needed loving the most
reeling from the pain taught to me by the systems i was learning from, hurting from
i find myself disappearing between the gaps of friends who just feel like strangers to me now
everyone is good at everything
and i am just good
do you ever feel so insecure and paranoid that it cripples your insides into a browning apple core?
i am a slump
i am a comfy sofa that looks kind of shabby
i am all the old songs i listened to when i rode on trains a lot
i repeat to myself ‘i am real’ hoping that i can believe myself into existence
i am constantly trying to celebrate myself every day but somehow never really being able to
i want to be everyone’s visceral reminder of what loving yourself looks like
i still live in the blue
feeling everything in between
but never reaching fully
