quiet healings we do not talk about

                                              

its a weird time for me. checking out of life seconds at a time . digesting feelings abt my feelings. writing again because i realised i stopped. i think i know why i stopped too. exam season is always like this. i procrastinate until it's too late and suddenly i'm interested in everything but revising. i want to finally read all of marya hornbacher's other books other than 'wasted'. i'm currently finishing off junot diaz's 'the wondrous life of oscar wao'. drinking more green tea than ever except i got lazy and stopped using the leaves and now am going through boxes of twining green tea bags which isn't as good but like i said, i'm lazy. i'm trying to make money too, replying to random gigs on craigslist here and there and they should eventually amount to something. or at least enough. one i signed up for ended up being handing out leaflets at 3am in central london? (i turned that one down). i'm moving out next year.. i hope. mocks in 2 days and i haven't started revising. i should get on that. i'm glad summer's near but i'm scared to lose this life / teenagehood / moment.

sophia

melting

watercolours from a while ago

sooo i finally finished my exams a few weeks ago + then some stressful/gross/traumatising things were happening @ school and it basically consumed me until now /// thankfully i only have 2 days left and i'll be on holidays. i'm just gonna spend my july being creative and reading lots. someone was talking abt how reading is such a large part of liberation (makes sense tbh). so just want to be constantly educating myself, learning more and making art. wanna go through rolls and rolls of film + experiment more w/ photo processes, also planning to do collab stuff w/ other art bebes [hmu if yr in london/uk and wanna do art stuff together/model 4 me]. n will be filming a project i'm doing on east asian girlzzzz in london!! otherwise i just want to be free from stress and just love myself for a while cos i need it. i feel so drained, so tired of everything. its super hot these days and my window is always open now, wind flowing through. i feel like i'm melting away w/ everything else in the city but seeing old friends and just being w/ people who really support my truth + get me is so nice and good for the soul. been feeling a lot of things nonstop so i'm trying to breathe now, lie on the grass, usual summer things...


i'm too tired to add lots of links but here are some interesting or important things 2 check out:

• Darkmatter spoken word/ slam poetry on youTube. their work abt colonialism, trans identity, queer identity, politics etc. is so on point, saw them perform @ goldsmiths uni and was blown away
• Shura's music. i'm rly into her songs atm and the video for 'touch' is !!!
• Lianne la havas's new music. her music videos are also simple but so beautiful. excited for the album
• "Colonialism was not just about colonising whiteness, but about colonising the gender binary model." - interview w/ Laverne Cox in the Guardian
• been going through the queer films on netflix. i would recommend if ur desperate/bored but honestly all of them are SO bad. (apart from the classics like 'but I'm a cheerleader') they all have really sad endings or the age gap is reaaally big
• just finished 'feminism is for everybody' - bell hooks (its p accessible to read but also substantial), other things i'm currently reading-- 'zami' - audre lorde. 'women who run with the wolves' - clarissa pinkola estes. 'colonialism/postcolonialism' - ania loomba
• Adult magazine's panel on consent, rape, sexual assault, rape culture (TW)
• Sensei Aishitemasu's youTube channel. her YT desc says "your woke big sister". been watching her videos since december ish. she has taught me more abt race issues, anti-blackness, police brutality etc than school ever could. although lots of her videos are really long, i never notice it tbh

photo i took of emma 2 months ago

places and people

here are some film photos i took towards the end of 2014/beginning of 2015.

phoebe. one of my favourite photos

me by sonia

mouki in the fall

Emma

pictures i took of my baby girl emma last summer. its her bday today!!

september friends

september photo diary.

last winter. light leaks all of the place

 

dreaming of this place i went to last winter in france where there was a sofa in the middle of a forest and apples hanging everywhere above my head. got rufus wainwright lyrics inside of my head after going to a dinner party with poses album playing in the background

S

suburban haze

colourful photos from a colourful summer.

6 th form is super weird and my emotions are basically 'ribs' by lorde. i went to north of france last weekend to see family friends and i walked through beautiful forests with trees that went on forever. i also noticed lots of MOTORBIKE GANGS?? chilling in the beaches of france and just riding around together in the countryside, they were similar to lana del rey's ride/west coast motorbikers but the real deal. weird/cool.

its been an okay week otherwise. except my cameras winder broke :( and it was v expensive (imo) to fix so now i'm super poor. will have some new photos developed by next week (photos are more of friends and less buildings - good thing). i need to learn how to develop my own negatives!! i feel like i would save quite a bit of money but i'm not sure if my mum would let me turn the bathroom into a darkroom... but on the upside my laptop is coming in 5 days so hopefully my next blog post will be typed from my beautiful new shiny macbook air ahhh. and i'll probably make lots more random super 8 collage videos like my cocorosie k-hole one i posted a few months ago now that i will have imovie. i should be writing essays and reading books instead of typing this so goodbye for now. hope you like the photos, i especially like the one of the fishes.

sophia
i-g-g-bye