quiet healings we do not talk about

                                              

its a weird time for me. checking out of life seconds at a time . digesting feelings abt my feelings. writing again because i realised i stopped. i think i know why i stopped too. exam season is always like this. i procrastinate until it's too late and suddenly i'm interested in everything but revising. i want to finally read all of marya hornbacher's other books other than 'wasted'. i'm currently finishing off junot diaz's 'the wondrous life of oscar wao'. drinking more green tea than ever except i got lazy and stopped using the leaves and now am going through boxes of twining green tea bags which isn't as good but like i said, i'm lazy. i'm trying to make money too, replying to random gigs on craigslist here and there and they should eventually amount to something. or at least enough. one i signed up for ended up being handing out leaflets at 3am in central london? (i turned that one down). i'm moving out next year.. i hope. mocks in 2 days and i haven't started revising. i should get on that. i'm glad summer's near but i'm scared to lose this life / teenagehood / moment.

sophia

s t r e s s

stress is getting 2 me. do u ever just feel like ur about 2 cry any day now? but u also tell urself constantly that whatever ur about to cry abt isn't worth it and then u kind of don't allow yourself the cry u deserve? lol

all i gotta do is get through this week, finish this goddamn film. figure the rest out.

perfect day

been up in my angst A LOT for the first 10 days of 2016 but today i had such a lovely carefree day. it was so nice, i woke up super early n went to tate modern alone, listened 2 music + walked around central london. and it was rly quiet in the city and rainy but still beautiful. i bought some scissors on the way home and chopped off half my hair (got it all even eventually.. it was messy) and i am feeling my new hair v much (see standard Photo Booth selfie at end of post 4 hair). i just got home from my friends bday dinner and it was super sweet <33 + to end the day i got my first uni offer ahhhh (hopefully not the last tho lol).

not bad 4 a monday

lorna simpson at tate modern today

simryn gill 

I LOVED HER SERIES OF PHOTOG EXPLORING "THE EXOTIC" how ppl in malaysia / east are often called exotic n stuff ('exotic' labels r for fruits not ppl right??) and i smiled so much looking at this whole room of ppl with fruit on their heads damn.

had a weird AM this morning before i properly woke up but maybe cos after i said 2 myself/texted my friend this morning, it was okay:

tbh been a weird few weeks. but I'm good now. giving space to both myself and others. loving in new ways. loving myself first (which is important).

thing i wrote in late november/early december?? about recovery, excerpt from something that went a bit like this:

'i am feeding myself, regaining balance and all the qualities i deeply love about my being'

feeling this idea a lot right now too, just for different reasons.

ya girl n her new DIY hair

rupi kaur's poetry is healing. everyone go read her work on her instagram @rupikaur_

finally gonna leave y'all with this poem. its been my favourite for a while. i relate to a lot of it and it breaks my heart every time i listen to/watch it. carrying this spirit into 2016.

"One day I plan to love so loudly, my body abandons every demon harvesting me."

love always,

sophia

(i deleted my insta temporarily. and sula collective is on hiatus this month btw)