REACHING

here is an experimental short i wrote/filmed/created for Channel 4's Random/First Acts project. here is all my softness.



words from REACHING-

i’ve kind of risen from the deep i was buried in before but only hovering

ellie says i’m not like them because i don’t have fun by getting drunk and partying

and i tell her i do get drunk because i do but that’s not why i tell her

i don’t like trying its hard its uncomfortable

so it feels like everyone’s grown up now

i’m still trying to make up for disco days

when i was drifting and they were first kissing

even though i was the one that needed loving the most

reeling from the pain taught to me by the systems i was learning from, hurting from

i find myself disappearing between the gaps of friends who just feel like strangers to me now

everyone is good at everything

and i am just good

do you ever feel so insecure and paranoid that it cripples your insides into a browning apple core?

i am a slump

i am a comfy sofa that looks kind of shabby

i am all the old songs i listened to when i rode on trains a lot

i repeat to myself ‘i am real’ hoping that i can believe myself into existence

i am constantly trying to celebrate myself every day but somehow never really being able to

i want to be everyone’s visceral reminder of what loving yourself looks like

i still live in the blue

feeling everything in between

but never reaching fully

perfect day

been up in my angst A LOT for the first 10 days of 2016 but today i had such a lovely carefree day. it was so nice, i woke up super early n went to tate modern alone, listened 2 music + walked around central london. and it was rly quiet in the city and rainy but still beautiful. i bought some scissors on the way home and chopped off half my hair (got it all even eventually.. it was messy) and i am feeling my new hair v much (see standard Photo Booth selfie at end of post 4 hair). i just got home from my friends bday dinner and it was super sweet <33 + to end the day i got my first uni offer ahhhh (hopefully not the last tho lol).

not bad 4 a monday

lorna simpson at tate modern today

simryn gill 

I LOVED HER SERIES OF PHOTOG EXPLORING "THE EXOTIC" how ppl in malaysia / east are often called exotic n stuff ('exotic' labels r for fruits not ppl right??) and i smiled so much looking at this whole room of ppl with fruit on their heads damn.

had a weird AM this morning before i properly woke up but maybe cos after i said 2 myself/texted my friend this morning, it was okay:

tbh been a weird few weeks. but I'm good now. giving space to both myself and others. loving in new ways. loving myself first (which is important).

thing i wrote in late november/early december?? about recovery, excerpt from something that went a bit like this:

'i am feeding myself, regaining balance and all the qualities i deeply love about my being'

feeling this idea a lot right now too, just for different reasons.

ya girl n her new DIY hair

rupi kaur's poetry is healing. everyone go read her work on her instagram @rupikaur_

finally gonna leave y'all with this poem. its been my favourite for a while. i relate to a lot of it and it breaks my heart every time i listen to/watch it. carrying this spirit into 2016.

"One day I plan to love so loudly, my body abandons every demon harvesting me."

love always,

sophia

(i deleted my insta temporarily. and sula collective is on hiatus this month btw)

sept/oct mood board

p self explanatory. visuals from the internet i'm feeling atm + a few words i've written.

instagram.com/zszophia
sulacollective.com

how 2 be free by me

Sixteen

I'm finally 16! Which kind of makes me feel sad and old but at least I get presents (namely a waffle maker!) Recently, I've been receiving and reading many interesting books that all have lovely covers...

My friend gave me Raymond Carver's book of short stories for my birthday and they are simply beautiful. I have read every single one although my favourite still being the first one of the book, "Why Don't You Dance?". Last year, my Secret Santa gave me a signed copy of 'It' by Alexa Chung and I was ecstatic because the book is as wonderful and Alexa Chung-ish (artsy, classical and cool) as you think it's going to be. And last of the books, I finally got my hands on the Rookie yearbooks that I've been eyeing for ages (literally since yearbook 1 came out). Rookie is, of course, "literally the best thing ever." ;) Finally, I also snuck in the latest issue of Dazed and Confused which contains articles on Petra Collins, Kali Uchis (my new favourite singer who's about to blow up in the music industry, video below), Lupita Nyong'O, Arvida Bystrom and other amazing Girls Who Rule The World who I all have major woman crushes on.

Well, on another note, winter's almost over and the trees that lean over my bedroom window are blossoming in whites and pale pinks. This is a really short poem I wrote at a similar time as this last year that seems relevant:

Also I got one of many rolls of film/disposables developed and here are a few pictures from last summer.

Love,