REACHING

here is an experimental short i wrote/filmed/created for Channel 4's Random/First Acts project. here is all my softness.



words from REACHING-

i’ve kind of risen from the deep i was buried in before but only hovering

ellie says i’m not like them because i don’t have fun by getting drunk and partying

and i tell her i do get drunk because i do but that’s not why i tell her

i don’t like trying its hard its uncomfortable

so it feels like everyone’s grown up now

i’m still trying to make up for disco days

when i was drifting and they were first kissing

even though i was the one that needed loving the most

reeling from the pain taught to me by the systems i was learning from, hurting from

i find myself disappearing between the gaps of friends who just feel like strangers to me now

everyone is good at everything

and i am just good

do you ever feel so insecure and paranoid that it cripples your insides into a browning apple core?

i am a slump

i am a comfy sofa that looks kind of shabby

i am all the old songs i listened to when i rode on trains a lot

i repeat to myself ‘i am real’ hoping that i can believe myself into existence

i am constantly trying to celebrate myself every day but somehow never really being able to

i want to be everyone’s visceral reminder of what loving yourself looks like

i still live in the blue

feeling everything in between

but never reaching fully

perfect day

been up in my angst A LOT for the first 10 days of 2016 but today i had such a lovely carefree day. it was so nice, i woke up super early n went to tate modern alone, listened 2 music + walked around central london. and it was rly quiet in the city and rainy but still beautiful. i bought some scissors on the way home and chopped off half my hair (got it all even eventually.. it was messy) and i am feeling my new hair v much (see standard Photo Booth selfie at end of post 4 hair). i just got home from my friends bday dinner and it was super sweet <33 + to end the day i got my first uni offer ahhhh (hopefully not the last tho lol).

not bad 4 a monday

lorna simpson at tate modern today

simryn gill 

I LOVED HER SERIES OF PHOTOG EXPLORING "THE EXOTIC" how ppl in malaysia / east are often called exotic n stuff ('exotic' labels r for fruits not ppl right??) and i smiled so much looking at this whole room of ppl with fruit on their heads damn.

had a weird AM this morning before i properly woke up but maybe cos after i said 2 myself/texted my friend this morning, it was okay:

tbh been a weird few weeks. but I'm good now. giving space to both myself and others. loving in new ways. loving myself first (which is important).

thing i wrote in late november/early december?? about recovery, excerpt from something that went a bit like this:

'i am feeding myself, regaining balance and all the qualities i deeply love about my being'

feeling this idea a lot right now too, just for different reasons.

ya girl n her new DIY hair

rupi kaur's poetry is healing. everyone go read her work on her instagram @rupikaur_

finally gonna leave y'all with this poem. its been my favourite for a while. i relate to a lot of it and it breaks my heart every time i listen to/watch it. carrying this spirit into 2016.

"One day I plan to love so loudly, my body abandons every demon harvesting me."

love always,

sophia

(i deleted my insta temporarily. and sula collective is on hiatus this month btw)