quiet healings we do not talk about

                                              

its a weird time for me. checking out of life seconds at a time . digesting feelings abt my feelings. writing again because i realised i stopped. i think i know why i stopped too. exam season is always like this. i procrastinate until it's too late and suddenly i'm interested in everything but revising. i want to finally read all of marya hornbacher's other books other than 'wasted'. i'm currently finishing off junot diaz's 'the wondrous life of oscar wao'. drinking more green tea than ever except i got lazy and stopped using the leaves and now am going through boxes of twining green tea bags which isn't as good but like i said, i'm lazy. i'm trying to make money too, replying to random gigs on craigslist here and there and they should eventually amount to something. or at least enough. one i signed up for ended up being handing out leaflets at 3am in central london? (i turned that one down). i'm moving out next year.. i hope. mocks in 2 days and i haven't started revising. i should get on that. i'm glad summer's near but i'm scared to lose this life / teenagehood / moment.

sophia

melting

watercolours from a while ago

sooo i finally finished my exams a few weeks ago + then some stressful/gross/traumatising things were happening @ school and it basically consumed me until now /// thankfully i only have 2 days left and i'll be on holidays. i'm just gonna spend my july being creative and reading lots. someone was talking abt how reading is such a large part of liberation (makes sense tbh). so just want to be constantly educating myself, learning more and making art. wanna go through rolls and rolls of film + experiment more w/ photo processes, also planning to do collab stuff w/ other art bebes [hmu if yr in london/uk and wanna do art stuff together/model 4 me]. n will be filming a project i'm doing on east asian girlzzzz in london!! otherwise i just want to be free from stress and just love myself for a while cos i need it. i feel so drained, so tired of everything. its super hot these days and my window is always open now, wind flowing through. i feel like i'm melting away w/ everything else in the city but seeing old friends and just being w/ people who really support my truth + get me is so nice and good for the soul. been feeling a lot of things nonstop so i'm trying to breathe now, lie on the grass, usual summer things...


i'm too tired to add lots of links but here are some interesting or important things 2 check out:

• Darkmatter spoken word/ slam poetry on youTube. their work abt colonialism, trans identity, queer identity, politics etc. is so on point, saw them perform @ goldsmiths uni and was blown away
• Shura's music. i'm rly into her songs atm and the video for 'touch' is !!!
• Lianne la havas's new music. her music videos are also simple but so beautiful. excited for the album
• "Colonialism was not just about colonising whiteness, but about colonising the gender binary model." - interview w/ Laverne Cox in the Guardian
• been going through the queer films on netflix. i would recommend if ur desperate/bored but honestly all of them are SO bad. (apart from the classics like 'but I'm a cheerleader') they all have really sad endings or the age gap is reaaally big
• just finished 'feminism is for everybody' - bell hooks (its p accessible to read but also substantial), other things i'm currently reading-- 'zami' - audre lorde. 'women who run with the wolves' - clarissa pinkola estes. 'colonialism/postcolonialism' - ania loomba
• Adult magazine's panel on consent, rape, sexual assault, rape culture (TW)
• Sensei Aishitemasu's youTube channel. her YT desc says "your woke big sister". been watching her videos since december ish. she has taught me more abt race issues, anti-blackness, police brutality etc than school ever could. although lots of her videos are really long, i never notice it tbh

photo i took of emma 2 months ago

updates

I've just joined this really cool, new online magazine called 'Parallax' that focuses on connecting millennials and social justice activism. O have writing + art to be featured on there soon (articles/pieces are posted every week day of the month) and there are currently some really well-written and interesting articles to do with this issue/month's theme of 'education'. You can check out the website here.

i'm (supposed to be) revising for my LAST exam tomorrow atm. after exams end, i will be back 2 blogging 24/7!!

in the meantime, here's my 8tracks pre-summer/early summer playlist:

early summer feels from zszophia on 8tracks Radio.

i would suggest listening to these songs whilst walking or lying down w/ your face in the sun, preferably in a garden or just in your bed.

Emma

pictures i took of my baby girl emma last summer. its her bday today!!

august days

didn't realize how many pictures of buildings i took until i got my film back. summer photos pt 1. first half are taken in hong kong and the last few were shot in macau when i was on a rickshaw. back to school in 3 days ;-( listening to yo la tengo right now.

summer so quickly gone

it's mid august. aka school in less than half a month. exam results on thursday (scary). summer went by so quickly, i swear it just began ??? probably because i disappeared away from friends and into asia for a month and a half. i was working in hong kong for a few weeks then travelling with family to macau, hangzhao and macau. it was mostly fun because i met lots of new people (always gd) and took lots of photos (on film) although generally my creativity and writing wasn't really happening when i was away. working for the first time was really scary / interesting / fun and people were really nice and i got paid so !!!

i go to hong kong every yr because i have family there but i guess i never really appreciated its beauty. Because i had gone so many times, i had grown tired of the city. and then i fell in love with Ward Roberts' courts series- a beautiful collection of pastel colored buildings and uniformed courts. a series i later found out was mostly shot in hong kong. then when i returned this summer, i looked up and realized these wonderful colours i admired in roberts' work so much were right in front of me, painted on all the buildings. i also went to some old casinos in macau and the decor was so 70s glamour (that was probably because that's when they were designed) and it reminded me of lana del rey songs.

this summer i tried to at least go to lots art exhibitions, one was in Shanghai Museum of Contemporary Art. others included Matisse cut-outs at the Tate which I thought were playful and lively and very contemporary considering when they were created. AND I went to Jenny Saville at the Gagosian which was incredible to see her art IRL. her paintings are mesmerising and intriguing and to some, uncomfortable. but i love the honesty and rawness of her subjects and that disordered glitchy feel. i don't know how she does it, it's amazing.

another one i went to was Marina Abramovic's 512 Hours. i guess i had high expectations because of all the hype about the artist but really i didn't know what to expect. the experience was really interesting and i'm so glad i went. when i went in, i was quite nervous because everything was silent and i could see Marina right in front of me walking around and talking to other people but when i left, i was at peace, happy, rested, empty yet full. many people were emotional and personally, i think it has to do with the silence and the emptiness and the lack of anything to do. the boredom forces people's minds to think about anything which, if given a long enough time, can turn to darker thoughts and evoke sadder (or happier) memories. when the sound is muted and the eyes are closed and any sense of direction gone, you have only your mind left and so you think and think and think.

Ward Roberts courts series

Jenny Saville @ Gagosian

Matisse cut outs

p.s. i got a haircut and my film will be developed next week. i'll also post some writings sometime in the week. oh and i changed my url to teenagecomplex and saying goodbye to zszophia :-)

S

july recap

mean girls of course

Cocorosie ig vid I took

Youth lagoon

HBO Girls

Happy to be off from school but my July days were slightly unfulfilled perhaps, seems scary to think it's already August. I'm closer to going back to school than I was from breaking up from school. I went to some amazing concerts in July though; Cocorosie (new obsession and p.s. I touched Sierra Casady's hand!!) who co-headlined with the wonderful Youth Lagoon, an artist I discovered last year who's song '17' was my anthem of when I was in the mountains of Switzerland in this idyllic chalet during February this year. I also saw Lianne La Havas, at Somerset House, who has the most beautiful voice and lyrics and is also a style goddess - when she sang 'Gone', I almost cried because of the truthful words and chilling voice which was even better live than on CD. Finally I went to see Frank Ocean, though a short concert, it did not cease to disappoint. He played a few new songs, my favourite being 'Wiseman' whose lyrics speak volumes.

On another note, I watched so many tv shows and movies in July. Was obsessed with the HBO tv show 'Girls' and binged watched season 1-2 in less than a week. It is my new favourite and am in love with all the characters. I really enjoyed Skins season 7 more than I thought I would, especially Skins Pure. I've missed Cassie and she hadn't really changed. It was really nicely made and the instrumental by Segal was so nice (see video above for the Mini Mix).

Off to Korea and Hong Kong now, will probably blog once when I'm abroad but will hopefully return with some pictures to post later. I'm excited. Might change the format of this blog and possibly the url and header, I change my mind a lot.

Sophia

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