something in the way

"I’m like the flower in the road that nobody noticed blooming. I like that about myself. I never needed permission to blossom and I never was in a rush to prove myself “worthy” to the general public. Instead, I grew step by step, understanding that timing is essential. To those looking on the surface, determined on viewing me in a certain way, I was up to nothing, but in the heart of my soul, I was up to everything. Digging up old wounds and healing. Determining who I was outside of the opinions of others. Consciously, I’ve been on my spiritual journey for over 3 years now, and it is now, that the general public is taking notice. Understand that all things happen on their own accord and at the right time. For a while, people thought they were looking at a stagnant stem. I knew otherwise."
- Brittany Josephina

photo i took in hong kong

//

I've been following or escaping this shitty template of love

And I keep lying to myself in order to find the truth

I keep finding more hurt people

Hurt people hurt people

I'm hurting

People

I give a fuck but also who gives a fuck if I have a happy energy

I am the saddest little girl in the world

So is everyone else

-

I don't know how to hold my feelings

I keep letting them go (un)intentionally

-

I need softness

When I have softness

I don't know how to be

-

I'm so scared of regressing/going back I can't stop i can't ever stop anymore

I feel like I don't decide anything in my life but of course that's not true

Pain is not my default

Sad is not my default

So why does it feel like pain keeps replacing pain

-

Figure out what you need for things to be softer

(If softness is too much right now) (If hardness is hurting)

Find the sounds that fit

Find the people that meet you at where you are

//

listening 2:

if u want to be everything then stop being nothing

im living my life atm.
could work harder at school.
scared that im giving all of myself away to the internet.
thing is, if ppl give enough of a shit about you theres always a trail.
and i don't know if i want that..

i keep needing to be reminded im yung by strangers lol.
[let me know do i still got time to grow?]
i feel sad, mostly about love.

keep deleting + distancing.
everything is temporary.

but i'm not sad sad.
this is a new reality i've been living ever since summer.
it's confusing, i feel like i have a new default being.

i wanna paint more.
i always forget about these mediums.

i wanna do sculpture.
i'm calling it!
i want the curves and freedom of sculpture.
film can take a back seat at the moment.

why aren't people allowed to be confused all the time?

also how do someone get out of the headspace of i want what i can't have? (asking for a friend)
slash i know the answer. its all in ya head. u just gotta force urself out of it. ugh

anyways.. sending anyone who actually reads this blog love via tunes-
we all deserve softer realities than the ones we're living

I WANT TO BE EVERYTHING
DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE
DONT MAKE ME GIVE UP ONE IDENTITY 4 ANOTHER
I WANT TO B EVERYONE I LOVE AND ADMIRE
I WANT TO BE ALL THE WRITING AND VISUALS AND SOUNDS THAT I FIND INTERESTING
I WANT TO BE EVERY NUANCE THAT I CAN B
I DONT MIND IF ALL MY CONTRADICTIONS FIT STRANGELY IN THIS BODY
I WANT TO BE EVERYTHING THAT I WANT TO BE
I WANT 2 B FREE !