soothing

i'm getting better at learning about how to be myself in small small ways.
i've realised how important art is to me, how important making is to me and even the knowledge of knowing i have the capability to create soothes me.

the other day i was thinking about when i don't feel insecure and when i feel happier and most of the times its when i've created something, when i'm happy with what i made or proud of the effort i put into the process.
i've just finished my final piece for my foundation show, finished creating a zine for sula, been running zine workshops for young girls of colour, and doing other side graphic design jobs.

and now i can be slightly more removed from my trauma in the inbetween moments and i can reflect on the past in ways that aren't completely filled with fear and sadness. i feel calm right now even though i've cried so much these past few days (which also makes sense why i feel calm now- processing, crying, giving pain to the earth + the ground and releasing it from my body) and when i was super down rena told me how [i guess i would say 'healing' or 'being ok/being happy' looks like] "u dont know what it looks like for a while not because there won't be a different but cus the little big break throughs will be surprising" + i understaaand it ! and im not so scared which is a lot cos its felt like anxiety has been my default for a while now. :-)

mostly i made this post because i was looking through some photos and i was able to look at them and feel happy. and here are a few. i think theyre all taken in hk or korea